I’m doing my best

Today was the day when my defensive inner voice was set to full volume.

I’M DOING MY BEST

Everything is a mess, everything is late, I’m in a constant state of panic and I’m not sleeping enough and trapped in a circle of tiredness and inefficiency.

I’M DOING MY BEST

In the shower, an hour later than needed, on the way to a job I’ve taken without any idea of how to fit in all the other stuff I need to do. Muddling through the work that I can’t really remember to do since the Christmas break.

I’M DOING MY BEST

Throwing together another rubbish dinner, running through to-do lists that I know I’ll be too exhausted to do once I have the chance.

I’M DOING MY BEST

Staying up late again, waiting for the washer to finish to reload before bed, so that one day I might win the laundry battle. Wrestling with yet more work that will get done on or slightly after the deadline.

All the time I’m waiting for someone to challenge me, that I should be doing more. Smarter, faster, kinder, better.

So I can shout

I’M DOING MY BEST

but they don’t challenge me. because maybe it’s just good enough. And if I went to bed maybe tomorrow would be even better.

I can do better than this.

 

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